


Lady? Maybe. Or Host? I Find I Really Don’t Mind

by AnonymouslyDead



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Genderqueer Haruhi?, Host Club Themes, Maybe - Freeform, Sorry if it’s bad, The Host Club Cares, Trans Kyouya, genderfluid Haruhi, maybe? - Freeform, ranka is best dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:34:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23520145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymouslyDead/pseuds/AnonymouslyDead
Summary: Haruhi laments on her feelings as a host.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

Days at the host club were good most days. It wasn’t what her definition of a good time per se; but, things could be worse, Haruhi supposed.

“Hey, Haruhi!” One girl, Rin...Haruhi knew, gestured towards herself on one of the host club’s fancy couches. Rin has made herself a steady regular in Haruhi’s week, scheduling the same hour every Wednesday for the last month now. Haruhi didn’t mind; she was nice enough to talk to. 

She lifted up a fancy looking box high enough for Haruhi to see. “I brought those snacks I told you about last time!” 

Oh, and she also seemed dead set on feeding Haruhi.

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that.” Haruhi waved her off with an awkward smile even though the savory smell wafting from it was enough to make Haruhi’s mouth water. 

“Oh, don’t be silly! When I heard you had never tried anything from Switzerland, I just had to introduce you.” She opened the box and started pulling out different snacks. Thus, Haruhi let herself be subject to taste testing yet again. 

Haruhi wasn’t a big fan of the Swiss chocolate; however, she wasn’t a big fan of sweets in general. Run quickly gave an apology before replacing the chocolate with a wedge of cheese that probably cost more than Haruhi spent in a month. Rin lobbed off a sliver like it was nothing and handed it to Haruhi. 

Shoving prices to the back of her mind, she ate the sliver. It was good, sharp with creamy texture and a flavor Haruhi couldn’t quite place. She slowed her chewing, trying to think what it reminded her of. 

“Well? What do you think?” Rin asked. Haruhi looked at her with her mouth full of cheese. 

“Let him finish eating before you grill him, Rin. Geez.” Another girl-this one was Akane- one of Rin’s friends- plopped down beside Rin with a bored look on her face, a regular tsundere as Renge would put it. She snatched up one of the abandoned squares of chocolate and popped in her mouth with a look of boredom. However, Haruhi knew she could be as much of a squealing fan girl as the rest of the girls here. 

She was another of Haruhi’s regulars after all. 

Haruhi stared and then finally swallowed. “It’s really good. I can’t quite place the flavor though.” 

“Oh, that’s the subtle nutty flavor.” 

Haruhi nodded. “That makes sense. 

Akane however scoffed. “I don’t see why you’re pushing such boring choices on him, Rin. Like Isn’t there something more interesting you could show Haruhi?”

“Cheese is interesting!” 

“I’m sure you could find something more interesting, Miss My Family Runs Five Star Restaurants.” 

“Haruhi likes it!” 

“No, he’s just being nice.” 

“Nu uh, he enjoys finer cuisine.” 

“Yeah, but I’m just saying. I’m sure he’d rather something more interesting like Sfogliatella.” 

Haruhi blinked. What? 

“He doesn’t like sweets, Akane. Don’t you know that?” Rin snipped. Haruhi watched Akane’s neutral expression dip to something sour. 

“Hey! Hey!” Haruhi quickly injected. “I really appreciate Rin’s snacks...even though I keep telling her she doesn’t have to bring them.” Haruhi trailer off. She shook her head. “However, I am also not against trying...whatever Sfogliatella is.” 

“Ah, I'll bring you some Italian treats next time then!” Rin said happily. Akane perked up a bit, taking note of Haruhi’s approval. 

Haruhi sighed. She hoped Sfogliatella tasted good. She was going to be drowning in it soon enough. 

The rest of their session went by without another issue and so did the rest of Haruhi’s scheduled clients. Even so, Haruhi couldn’t help but note one detail. 

He He He. The word rolled off of girls’ tongues again and again, and Haruhi accepted it without another thought. It didn’t bother Haruhi, but it also didn’t exactly please her either. It was just how she was addressed. 

The real curious thing happened when she looked in the mirror sometimes at home or in the Host club’s dressing room. Something between her short hair, her flat chest, the boy’s uniform or the other male oriented costume she got to wear that day…

Something about it all just seemed right in the best ways. It made her want to carry herself a little higher with a little more pride. It made him feel just more joyful for no discernable reason, more herself. 

Haruhi shook her head and just enjoyed the difference that struck between her and the girls. 

Until-

“Hey, Haruhi!” Hikaru sang out once all their customers had cleared out for the day. Haruhi sighed, waiting for the inevitable shenanigans. 

Sure enough, Hikaru slid right to her side followed by Kaoru at her other side. Hikaru unfolded a glossy magazine in front of Hikaru while Kaoru gestured, calling her attention to him. 

“We were talking to Kyoya about possible themes for the club.” Kaoru started.

“And we found the perfect outfit for you.” Hikaru finished. He pointed to the fluffiest, most ruffled dress Haruhi had ever seen. Haruhi’s gut turned at the idea of wearing it. 

“Aren’t I supposed to keep up the idea that I’m a boy?” Haruhi took the magazine, examining the happy model posing for the camera amongst a yellowing field. “What theme is this even for?” 

“Dungeons and Dragons. You’d be our fair maiden that we have to rescue from Hani the dragon.” 

Haruhi swatted the magazine back at Hikaru. “No.” She said harshly, trying to hold back the sick feeling in her stomach. She walked away from them. 

“Maybe not that fair.” 

Haruhi ignored that comment and went about collecting her things. That feeling in her stomach quickly ceased. 

And yet, she went home, glad to be at peace at home for the weekend. She did her homework, did a few chores, and started on dinner. 

Sunday came quickly, and she realized that they were out of vegetables just as she was getting a stew ready. With an annoyed sigh, she went to get dressed. 

She quickly threw on the first thing she found in her closet, a loose pink dress that swished every which way as she moved. She nearly walked out of her room when she passed the little mirror on her bedroom dresser. She stopped and looked at herself. The soft pink of the dress gathered around her chest accentuated her eyes, she thought. That thought seemed to add a familiar pep to her step. 

The older woman that ran the vegetable stand at the market seemed to agree. She sent her off with her purchases, calling her such a pretty young lady. The simple compliment was nice enough. Haruhi gave her a smile before moving on. 

“Excuse me, miss.” 

“Young lady.” 

“Miss!” 

She was addressed as such throughout her trip to the market, and that didn’t bother her. It was just how she was addressed. Just something about being out in a dress made Haruhi feel a bit happier. A little bit freer. 

*********************************

But then, the next school week started. Kyouya has scheduled, organized, and executed their next theme for the week. That was normal. 

Just why did it have to be butlers? 

It’s not that serving as butlers particularly bugged Haruhi (even if she felt the theme was picking at her background). The costumes were a lot more manageable than the princess idea the twins had suggested. The dress shirt and vest Kyouya had ordered her was fit well enough. Haruhi thought she looked fine. 

It’s just that her friends looked better.

Mori has broader shoulders that filled out his costume better. Tamaki had more height that helped his personality stand out. Hikaru and Kaoru have more angular faces that matched well with their butler acts. And with his glasses and his short dark hair mixed with his charming personality, he had the natural air of a butler. 

They all had bits and pieces that set them off as blatantly masculine butlers, and that set a pang in Haruhi’s heart. She wished she could look more like that. 

“Hey, Haruhi? Are you alright?” 

Haruhi blinked and looked at Rin. Haruhi quickly gave an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry. I just spaced out.” 

“That’s quite alright! I was just saying I brought you some of those pastries you asked about last week!” 

“You really didn't have to! Besides, aren’t I supposed to be serving you?” Haruhi asked. 

“You can serve me by eating some of this Sfogliatella.” 

Haruhi sighed, resigning herself to her pastry filled fate. She took one of the flaky pastries and took a bite, filling her mouth with too much sweetness. Still, she bore it and swallowed. 

“Everyone looks so nice today. I’m glad you guys went with a butler theme.” 

Haruhi swallowed, trying to rid herself of the lingering sugar on her tongue. “Yes, I guess.” Haruhi finally said, a little too unenthused. Rin looked at her funny, and Haruhi caught her mistake. 

“Is something wrong?” 

“Nah.” Haruhi quickly shook it off, trying to wave it off with her hands. “It’s just not really my style.” 

“Aw, but why? You look so handsome in that suit.” 

Haruhi blushed at the compliment, but that didn’t settle the feeling in her stomach. 

Rin squealed. “Aw, you’re shy!” 

Haruhi let the comment slide, choosing instead to focus on stuffing the too sweet pastry. 

It turned out she only had more to deal with the next day. Haruhi was talking with a new girl at the Host Club when Akane plopped a box of the pastries rather abruptly in Haruhi’s lap. Then, she sat down in the chair across from Haruhi and the new girl, pointedly staring off. 

The strange thing about it was how Haruhi noticed the curve of Akane’s face. She had an angular but still somehow soft face that matched the sharpness in her dark eyes and the dead straightness of inky black hair. The way she sat with her legs crossed and her arms folded gave her a queenly air while the way her uniform dress fit her seemed to accentuate her curves. 

Haruhi wished she had that. Something more strikingly feminine. Longer hair, more striking curves, a beautiful face… 

It’s not that Haruhi hated how she looked. At worse, she felt pretty indifferent. However, it would be nice to look a bit more fem-

“Quit staring at me, you perv!” 

Haruhi jumped, rushing to think of a defense. However, it was too late. Akane and the girl she were looking at her with a look somewhere between heartbreak, outrage, andfear. 

“Ladies! Ladies!” Whatever is the matter? Tamaki of all people asked. He walked up, placing his hands on the back of Akane’s chair. He let his fingers ghost her cheek. “A girl as pretty as you shouldn’t make such a fuss. Not when we’re here to serve you.” He whispered. 

Akane grew several shades redder. She started to talk only to sputter out something incomprehensible. She looked torn between two options before choosing to bolt upright and out of the Host Club. She even threw in an idiot as she ran. 

Damn, was she that bad? 

Tamaki frowned at Haruhi. “What was that about?” 

Haruhi shrugged. Then, she offered the pastry box Akane had given her. 

The rest of the week went without a hitch, and she enjoyed another quiet weekend at home, turning over the events of the week in her head. 

********************************************

Haruhi thought that she’d had a grasp of what was up with herself. She had remembered something her father had once told her. 

“Hey dad?” She had once asked her father when she was small. He looked down at her, his face blotted in foundation and dusted in blush. He held a mascara wand in midair, ready to brush his eyelashes out. He set the wand back in its tube and placed it with the other makeup spilling out of the glittery makeup bag on the table. 

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Why are you putting on makeup?” She asked bluntly. Ryoji blinked before chuckling.

“I’m just feeling it, sweetie.” He had said. He fluffed the waves in his long auburn hair, now styled neatly downward. He almost looked like he belonged in one of the makeup magazines she’d spy at the store. “Sometimes, you just feel a little more feminine, you know?” 

Haruhi had shaken her head at the time, but she guessed this was what her dad had meant at the time.

Except today, she didn’t particularly feel like anything. It didn’t bother her to an extent. She could get through school and host club just fine. The he’s and she didn't bother her too much; that was just how she was addressed. It’s just when she thought about it too hard that a sick frustration would well up in her. 

She kind of wished she was more androgynous. Someone that was somewhere between a girl or boy or nothing at all. Just something that would stop that weird frustration in her. 

She sighed. Gender was weird. 


	2. Chapter 2

Gender doesn’t usually bother her.

...Until people threw it in her face. 

“Aw, my precious daughter.” Tamaki would squeal over some shenanigan or another. And that for whatever reason ground against her nerves that morning. 

“I’m not your daughter, senpai.” Haruhi grumbled pointedly. Tamaki didn’t seem to get idea, continuing to ramble on with the idea that Tamaki was spinning. 

It wasn’t all bad. Today’s theme was a pajama party. What could go wrong with chatting in onesie pajamas? Sure, it wasn’t exactly becoming, but at least, it would be comfortable. 

“Here’s yours, Haruhi.” Kyouya had handed her a garment bag with a fancy label. Haruhi cringed, imagining how much this must’ve cost. 

But, the thoughts of her debt quickly melted when she actually opened the bag. The fluffiest pink rabbit suit sat inside. Giant hair bows were tied around the hood’s ears with embroidered eyelashes around the hood’s eyes. Haruhi blinked as if it was a nasty hallucination. 

But no, the garment was still there. 

“Are you serious?” 

“It’s what Tamaki wanted. While I question the look, I can’t deny that the softer look might attract some new customers. Girls do seem to find the soft and cute angle attractive.” Kyouya rattled off, cool and businesslike. Completely missing the problem much to Haruhi’s irritation. 

“No, I mean it’s completely pink and girly.” 

“Yes, I suppose it is. Is there a problem?” 

Haruhi looked around. Hikaru and Kaoru were already wearing matching bear pajamas. Tamaki climbed into a fox onesie and nearly tripped in his excitement. Mori, meanwhile, was dressed in a dinosaur onesie as he helped Hani pull on his own koala one over his uniform. 

Even Hani didn’t have something so blatantly girly. Something about it rubbed her the wrong way to an almost unbearable degree. 

“Yes. I’m not wearing this.” Haruhi shoves the bag back at Kyouya. He didn’t take it. 

“You don’t really have a choice.” Kyouya said. “With sizing, we can’t exactly afford to swap around onesies.” 

You are all rich. How can you not afford it? Haruhi wanted to snap. She also wanted to rip apart the onesie, but it probably cost more than the school’s tuition. That on top of her current debt would have her in debt for life. 

God, this wasn’t fair. Why the hell did she have to be forced into this? The garment itself was fine...she guessed. But, the thought of subjecting herself to it made her feel tired, bone crushingly tired as if her spirit was slowly dying inside her. 

Why couldn’t her friends just buy her a normal onesie? Why couldn’t they just ask her what she wanted? Why did they always have to go and shove her being a girl in her face- 

There’s a low, crinkling sound. She looked. Her hands were clenched around the garment bag hard enough to rip its plastic. Her nails now duh into the soft pink fabric. She could see her fingers stressing the fabric. She quickly relaxed her grip, hoping she didn’t damage the garment. To her horror, she saw that the fabric had started to tear. 

How hard had she grabbed it? 

Then, it was taken out of her hands. She looked up at Kyouya. He gave her a calculating look. 

“I think we need to talk.” Kyouya said. Haruhi gulped. 

Kyouya led her off to one of the music room’s side rooms. Kyouya shuffled around a few papers. 

“I’ve had a complaint from one of your regulars about staring.” 

Haruhi sighed. “That’s just Akane being dramatic. She assured him. 

”And, I heard you tell one of your regulars that you didn’t like our costumes.” 

“That’s a bit of an overstatement.” Haruhi said. Her eyes quickly widened. “Hey, wait. You were listening in on that?” 

“And, you snapped at Kaoru and Hikaru about a costume idea.” 

“Yeah, so?” 

Kyouya held up the rabbit onesie. Haruhi could see the tear in the fabric. Haruhi cringed. 

“Do you have a problem with our costumes?” 

“No?” Haruhi said. Kyouya gave her a blank look. “Kind of?” She amended. “It usually doesn’t. Only sometimes.” 

Kyouya nodded. “And why’s that?” 

“I guess, because the guys keep pushing these girly things on me.” 

“I see. Do you not want to be associated with girly things?” 

“No, it usually doesn’t bother me.” The frustrations welled up to her mind. Before she could really think, it came pouring out. “It’s only sometimes. Sometimes, the girly things are ok. Great even. Sometimes, I like the guy things we get to wear, the guy things we do, everything generally “dude” related. It’s great! But like today, I want nothing to do with it. Thinking about it makes my skin crawl.” 

“Huh. I didn’t realize. That’s certainly enlightening.” Kyouya said. He pulled out his phone and started typing. “Would a turtle onesie be fine for today?” 

Haruhi blinked. “Um sure.” 

“You can take mine. It’ll be big on you, but it might work. I’ll just figure a way around it.” 

“Wait, really?” Haruhi frowned. “Why?” 

“Oh, no reason. Can’t have our hosts going around tearing their pajamas, can we?” Kyouya took out a pen, a novelty one with pink, blue, and white stripes. “The onesie, of course, will be added to your debt.” 

Haruhi didn’t register it. She watched as he wrote something down with the pen. Something about the pen rang a bell in her mind. It reminded her of that time she had to go to her father’s bar, because he forgot his lunch. She saw that pattern somewhere around there. 

Kyouya tucked his pen back into his pocket. “Consider telling us about this next time. Tamaki is a lot more open than he comes off as, trust me. He’ll accommodate you with any preferences you have.” 

“...Ok.” Haruhi said, because she wasn’t quite sure what to say. “Thanks, Kyouya.” 

“It’s my pleasure.” Kyouya gave her a warm smile. That smile put a scary thought in her head. 

Just how many yen did he add to her debt? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s not great but here’s a thing

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comment what’s you think and hit kudos if you like it! 
> 
> Also I got lazy and split it into two! More to come maybe


End file.
